Growth Stages - 3 Years

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Development:

Child helping clean.This is an age where children love to show their independence. They enjoy washing and drying their hands and can get dressed and undressed (with a little help from Mom or Dad!)

Playing "dress up" or putting on costumes can really stimulate a child's imagination and play. The idea of "make believe" play is starting to take hold and your child may start to develop a circle of friends in the neighborhood. A few of these friends may be imaginary. Do not worry about your child if you are joined by a "pink bunny" at the dinner table. This is a normal part of growing up, and indicates a healthy imagination.

As stated above, your child may start to develop friends outside of the family. Fortunately, children at this age also are beginning to learn how to share their toys with other children. Notice that we emphasize "beginning." This is a long and difficult set of lessons for a child to learn. If your child does not want to share as you think is proper, just give gentle reminders. Keep them brief. Most children at this age are not ready for a long explanation of why we should share. Simply reminding that "it's the nice thing to do" or "you should always share your toys" should be sufficient. In some instances, you may need to take a toy away from two toddlers who are fighting over it. You can say "you can have the toy when you can share it." This helps your child to see that when you don't play nicely, nobody has any fun.

Fears, Nightmares, and Other Fun Stuff:

Child playing as pirate.Children at this age are easily frightened. If you haven't already experienced the joys of having a three-year-old clinging to you in the middle of the night because he or she saw a "monster" in the room, you will. When this happens, try to remain calm. Explaining to a hysterical child that "there's no such thing as monsters, they're just made up" rarely works. Children at this age see no separation between reality and fantasy (remember the imaginary friends we discussed above). To them, these concepts are one and the same. When your child is afraid, keep your explanation very concrete. For example, if your child thinks there is something crawling on the wall, show him that these are just shadows. Let your child know that you are nearby to help and to protect. Do not take your child into bed with you. You can reassure your child that you are there to protect her, even if you are in another room.

There are a few easy tricks to help prevent nightmares. First and foremost, do not let your child become overly tired or overly stimulated just before bedtime. Try leaving a night light on in or near the room. Also, watch what your child watches on television. Many shows and movies are frightening or just plain inappropriate for younger children. Instead of television, try reading to your child! (there we go again).

Discipline:

Children playing with water hose.Parents use many methods to discipline their children. Some can accomplish much using simple stern, quiet correction. Others will withhold a small pleasure to keep a child in line. A few will resort to yelling and spanking. Keep in mind that you are teaching your child by example. If you yell and scream, your child will yell and scream, too. If you spank or hit, then your children will think that it's OK to hit. Just ask yourself what you really want your child to learn.

Above all, be consistent. Children are not dummies. They know that when Mommy and Daddy disagree on what is wrong, they can just do pretty much whatever they want.

Make sure you separate the child from the action. That is, let your child know that you dislike what he has done, not him.

Don't forget to praise when you like what your child is doing. Too often we tend to tiptoe past and not say a thing when our children are playing quietly and behaving. We don't want to disturb them. But if we only pay attention to our children when they are bad, then they will be bad more often, just to get our attention.

Masturbation:

Gross motor skills?This is a frequent concern for parents. However, it is nothing to worry about. It is simply a normal expression of your child's curiosity about his or her body. It is really no different than touching the face, ears or any other sensitive part of the body. The best approach in general is to treat it like picking the nose. Be calm, and tell your child that it is not nice to touch yourself in front of others. Tell your child "You can do that in your own room."

Diet:

Continue to provide your child with a well balanced diet, three meals daily. Most children will need a snack between meals. However, try to avoid sweets and "junk" food. Offer fresh fruits and vegetables to satisfy the need to snack.

Television:

Many parents are concerned about what their children watch on television. The simplest cure for this is: Watch television with your child. Watching television with your child allows you to monitor what he or she is exposed to, and to answer any questions that might come up. It gives you an opportunity to teach your child what is right and wrong. And it gives you some fun time together.

Accident Prevention:

• Teach your child to be safe, educate the whole family, and set a good example.
• Check on your child frequently. Know where he or she is.
• Teach your child the dangers of traffic. Don't allow play in driveways or near the street. Begin now to teach safety when crossing streets.
• Watch your child closely around any container of water, no matter how small. Bathtubs, toilets, and pails can all be sources of drowning risk. It does not happen often, but you can prevent it by one easy rule: Keep an eye on your child.
• Always use a car seat for your children and a seat belt for yourselves. Keep the doors locked and do not allow children to play with the door handles while you are driving.
  Teach your child about not accepting rides, candy, etc. from strangers.
• Teach your child how to be careful around strange animals. Children love to make friends with animals. However, they should let the animal make the first move. They should never grab for an animal they don't know, or try to hug it. Teach your child to never pet an animal while it is eating, or take the food away. Above all, never, never tease an animal. Even a trusted pet can be provoked if pushed far enough.
• Make sure your pets are vaccinated.
• Never refer to medicine as "candy."
• If you must own a gun, empty it (including the firing chamber!) and lock it up.
• Keep knives, chemicals and other dangerous items locked up or out of reach.
• Remember that nothing can replace your watchful eyes for protecting your child.

Note to health care providers:

You are free to use these materials for your patients, provided you include the following:

This patient education handout provided courtesy of
the University of Kansas Pediatrics Department.
Copyright 2001-2006 KU Pediatrics Department. All rights reserved.