Well Kids — 2 Years

Development:

During the next year you will see your child's growth slow down greatly. His shape also will change. He will start losing much of his baby fat, particularly in his arms and legs, giving a more lean appearance. As he matures, he will lose the toddler posture of the belly sticking out and lower back curved. His posture will become more erect, more adult. His legs will lengthen in relation to his body, adding to the effect.

Gross motor skills will show refinement rather than attainment of completely new skills. You will notice that his walking becomes much smoother and much less precarious than before. Soon your child will be able to kick a ball with fairly good control over the direction it takes. He will learn to walk up and down stairs without help, just holding on to the railing. Try bouncing the ball back and forth with your child.

I recommend encouraging outdoor play whenever possible. It gives your child more freedom to run and play, promotes health and saves wear and tear on both your house and your nerves. If you have to play indoors, an excellent indoor game is "follow-the-leader". Crawl, tiptoe, bunny-hop and so forth around chairs, over boxes and under tables. Make a tunnel with an old sheet draped over chairs. Use your imagination, and stimulate your child's.

Fine motor skills will expand rapidly during this year. Building blocks still are a mainstay of play, and your child will learn to stack a tower of six or more blocks. His grip on a crayon will improve. His drawing will change from mere random scribbles to more intentional and repetitive strokes. Your child will enjoy learning to dress himself. Your child will also discover the useful skills of opening jars and doors. Children are the real reason that bathroom doors are equipped with locks.

One simple game you can play with your child is the sorting game. Give your child some small cups or an egg carton, and several small objects that he can put into the cups. These can be blocks or other objects that are brightly colored and come in many shapes. Be certain that they are not so small that he could easily choke on them. At first, he will simply do the in-and-out game. However, as time passes he will start to group all the red blocks together, for example. As he gets older, you can also group the blocks in groups of one, two, three and so on to help him learn to count.

Continue to read to your child and also draw pictures and shapes with him. It doesn't matter if he recognizes the shapes. You are still building a foundation for language and more importantly you and your child will be spending some fun time together.

Feeding a Two-Year-Old:

Continue offering new foods to your child. Most kids at this age are not terribly picky, and will merrily consume anything that does not run off their plate. Enjoy this now. It won't last forever. Sooner or later you will start to encounter "food fights." This refers to an intricate dance played out between parents who worry that their child is not getting enough food, and the child who obstinately refuses to eat it.

To survive the age of food fights, you must remember that your child is simply trying to exert his independence. This is a game, and you have to play by the rules.

The rules for getting a two-year-old to eat (seriously!):

• Rule #1: You are the parent. You are responsible for buying and preparing healthy food. Once you have done this, your job is done.
• Rule #2: You are not your child. Putting food on the table is your responsibility. Actually getting it into the stomach is your child's job. You cannot make a child eat.
• Rule #3: Recognize your child's tastes, if they are reasonable. Select foods that you think most children would eat. For example, you might want to avoid spicy Szechwan chicken. However, you do not need to cater to your child's every whim. The whole family does not need to endure macaroni and cheese every night for three weeks.
• Rule #4: Don't be a short order cook. If you are making something you feel your child should like, and he throws a tantrum or says "I'm not hungry," tell him that this is what we are having tonight, and if he is not hungry, he may leave the table. If you are making something you know he won't eat, it is fine to prepare something different for your child. The point is that you should not be forced to make one thing after another, trying to appease a toddler. It won't work, and I'm sure you have better things to do anyway.
• Rule #5: Don't make a battle at mealtime. You cannot make your child eat by arguments, threats or force (see Rule #2). In fact, a fight is what your child wants. Children love to see parents' faces turn that delightful shade of purple they get when flustered. You should stay calm, but firm. Tell your child in a steady voice exactly what you expect of him. If he refuses, do not hesitate to send him from the table. He will not starve himself just to be stubborn. Also, if you threaten to send him away from the table (or anything else), you must be prepared to do that when he calls your bluff.
• Rule #6: Do not feel guilty. Resist the temptation to give him cookies, snacks or any other treats. He can wait until the next usual meal- or snack-time. He will not starve, but he might just learn a valuable lesson.

Language:

Vocabulary will show an explosive, almost frightening increase. During the last year you probably noticed your child paying very close attention to your conversations, and wondered whether he understood what you were saying. During the coming year he will remove all doubt. You will join the ranks of all the other parents who were horrified to hear their 3-year-old reveal their most private family secrets in the grocery store checkout line. The complexity of your child's sentences gradually will increase. Last year's 2-word sentences will become long convoluted paragraphs, complete with pronouns, prepositions and a logic that is difficult at best to follow.

Encourage language by asking your child to describe to you the things you see on walks and around the house. Let him tell you stories about what he has been doing. Watch television with your child, and discuss what you see. Help your child learn his first and last name.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of reading. A child who learns early the joys of reading will gain a head start on his education. This opportunity should not be missed. Set a good example for your children. Read to your child and let him see you reading. I suggest reading short stories to your child that encourage interaction-turning pages, naming objects, etc.. The delightful "Where's Spot" series of books is an excellent example.

Social Development:

It is often difficult to remember that your child, who is starting to seem so grown up, is still barely out of infancy. He is not able to understand sharing. He does not tend to play with other children so much as play around them. If you put several two-year-olds in the same room, each will play by himself. The only interaction you are likely to see is when one takes a toy away from another, or tries to retrieve a toy that has been taken from him. Learning to share takes quite a long time. It seems that some adults still cannot share.

Most children at this age like to play games imitating the adults around them. Buy your child a play telephone and you will soon see him "calling" his friends and grandparents for a chat. Dressing-up is also great fun. Anything in a low drawer or on the floor is fair game to your child. Shoes, belts, hats, even underwear and nightgowns will be paraded around the living room on your child's body.

Recognizing that children like to imitate their parents, please be sure that you set a good example. That is, make sure that you always exhibit the types of behavior that you want your children to do later on. We are our children's most influential teachers. We must never forget this.

Cognition:

During this year children start to be fascinated by the concept of cause and effect. Your child will enjoy turning light switches on and off and on and off—until you are ready to scream. Wind-up toys also will provide hours of fun, albeit in 10-minute chunks.

The concept of time will begin to appear. It is, however, very limited. Basically, it means that your child may be able to grasp what you mean when you say "First you must eat your lunch, then you may play." Please remember that your child's attention span is very limited. It is probably only about five minutes or less. This means that rewarding your child's good behavior with something that will happen several hours from now won't be very effective. Your child may also start to develop a sense of logical sequence. For example, he will "read" a story to his bear, put the bear to bed and cover it with a blanket.

Two cautions should be remembered. First, bear in mind that children at this age are self-centered. They believe that everything happens because of them. They blame themselves for our problems. Death, divorce, and even simple fights between parents are very difficult for them to handle.

Second, two-year-olds take us very literally. Choose your words carefully. "If you eat too much you will explode" might frighten a child much more than you realize.

Behavior:

As your child grows, he is trying to gain independence. He is realizing that he is an individual person, separate from his parents. He will test the limits you set for him. This is partly to see how much control he can exert over you. I feel it also is a way for him to make sure you are still there. That is, testing the limits provides a sense of security for him. He knows that, even though you are separate from him, you have not abandoned him. You are still there, protecting him from the outside world.

Unfortunately, this is also extremely trying for you, the parent. You would think that after being scolded six times for reaching into the silverware drawer your child would get the message. Don't despair. This stage doesn't last forever, it just seems that way. The most important things to do are to be persistent and consistent. That is, don't give in to your child, and don't change the rules on him.

Children at this age have poor control over their emotions. Your child may break into tears at the slightest provocation. Outbursts of crying, screaming, tantrums, kicking, etc. are often seen at this age. In general, the best approach to tantrums is to ignore them. If a tantrum occurs in a public place, it might be impossible to walk away. In this case, you may need to abandon your shopping and pick the child up and take him home. If a certain object is causing a lot of problems, remove the temptation if at all possible. For example, move a ceramic decoration off the coffee table onto a high shelf. Children are tempted by enough things already, we don't need to make it any worse for them.

Separation is often the time you will see the worst behavior. This is very common, and should improve by age three.

One final note on behavior. We often find that children may be perfect brats at home, yet are angels at another person's house. Your child is not trying to goad you into committing some horrible crime. He is simply comfortable with you and secure in the knowledge that you will always love him, and so feels comfortable testing you. He does not have that trust with another person, and so does not dare disobey that person. You should also take comfort in the realization that, since he does behave himself elsewhere, the lessons you are trying to teach him are sinking in.

Accident Prevention:

• Always use a car seat for your children and a seat belt for yourselves.
• If you must own a gun, empty it (including the firing chamber!) and lock it up.
• Keep knives, chemicals and other dangerous items locked up or out of reach.
• Find the number of your local Poison Control Center and post it next to every phone. If you think your child may have taken something poisonous, call the poison control number. Do not give Ipecac or attempt to induce vomiting unless told to do so by the Poison Control Center.
• Remember that nothing can replace your watchful eyes for protecting your child.
• Watch your child closely around any container of water, no matter how small. Bathtubs, toilets, and pails can all be sources of drowning risk. It does not happen often, but you can prevent it by one easy rule: Keep an eye on your child.
• Keep stairs closed off with a gate.