Could Your Greatest Gift Be Your Story?

6/2/04

could your greatest gift be your story?

Barbara Bartocci, author and speaker

woman writing clipart

Have you thought about writing a memoir to leave to your children? Do you worry that important family history will be forgotten if someone doesn’t write it down? Do you think, as you reflect on your life, “I have stories and wisdom to share”?

If you’re nodding your head, let me encourage you. I have spent a lifetime writing stories that come from my own life or the real lives of other people, and I know that everyone has a story worth telling. I’ve also heard relatives say, at Grandma or Grandpa’s funeral, “Gee, I wish I’d asked more questions about our family.” There is no greater gift you can leave to the future than your recollections of your family’s past.

My friend Dottie Pope will celebrate 70 dynamic years next September, and wants to share her life experiences with her three grown sons. My neighbor Ed Matthews fought in World War II as a very young soldier. He has lots of stories to tell his four kids, and began writing his memoir a year ago.

A memoir, by the way, is different from a family history. It doesn’t try to tell everything that happened, but only certain events, and then it offers an interpretation of those events. A memoir finds meaning in the happenings of one’s life.

I gave Dottie this advice about writing:

Make a real commitment to do it. One of the best ways is to decide to write a certain number of words or for a certain amount of time each day. (For instance, you might choose 30 minutes or 100 words.) Much of life is habit. If you get in the habit of sitting in a certain place at a certain time in order to write, you’re far more likely to come up with words than if you only sit down now and then. But set a time or word goal realistic enough that you can follow it.

And don’t think you have to start at the beginning. Jot down ideas and memories as they come to you. You can organize later. Do write honestly about your experiences, though.

From my own experience, I also encourage writers not to re-read or edit along the way. It’s too easy to decide, ‘This is no good. I stink!’ Just keep going until you reach what seems like the end. My friend Don Campbell liked to write on yellow legal pads. I told him, “On the first page, write in big red ink: ‘Rough draft!’” It helped him overcome his compulsion to write “perfectly” the first time around, and in six months he had finished a book-length memoir!

Still feeling stuck? Here are 13 more ways to get started on a family memoir.

Interview relatives about their memories.
List familiar family sayings. What do they mean to you?
Write down those oft-told, often hilarious family stories.
Write about family traditions
Make a timeline of your life and in each decade, list significant events.
Write down characteristics of family members. (Example: “My Aunt Nona never married. She lived with my grandmother’s family. People called her a spinster but she had a great sense of humor and loved to party. She had a glittering collection of junk jewelry, which she always let me try on.”)
List places you have lived and what they mean to you
Think about people who were significant to you. For good or for bad.
Put a tape recorder in your car that you can talk into as ideas come to you.
Keep a small spiral notebook and pen by your bed
Look at family photos—what memories do they trigger?
Go to the library and look up newspapers from your growing-up era so you can see your story in the context of broader world events.
Read journals, diaries and letters. Yours and others.

Remember: your story—and what you learned from important moments in your life--is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. Is today a good day to begin?

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